The Incident with the Slightly Used Rhino
Arthur opened his front door to a package, as he often did. This one, however, was rather large and, upon closer inspection, appeared to be breathing....
dry-humor
Explore our curated collection of dry-humor stories. Select a topic below to dive deeper.
The Bertian Whack
Arthur stared at the dripping tap, a single bead of water clinging precariously before plummeting into the sink with a sound that, to Arthur, had take...
The Toaster's Existential Crisis
Agnes had a particularly unenthusiastic Tuesday. Her toaster, a relic from the age before planned obsolescence became a personal hobby for manufacture...
The Existential Forecast
Arthur stood by the punch bowl, a beverage he suspected was 80% fruit juice and 20% regret, observing the party. A woman, seemingly attempting to make...
The Unbearable Lightness of Being Arthur
Arthur adjusted his monocle, more out of habit than necessity, as Brenda approached. "Arthur, isn't this weather simply divine?" she chirped, gesturin...
The Unflappable Baker
Arthur approached the mixing bowl with the cautious optimism of a man expecting rain on his picnic. He measured the flour. A sudden, inexplicable draf...
The Unflappable Hendersons
"Did you hear the new neighbours arguing again last night?" Beatrice asked, stirring her tea with a delicate clink, barely looking up from her perfect...
Bernard's Most Eventful Tuesday
Bernard adjusted his spectacles, peering over the rim at the rapt faces in the village hall. "So, yes," he began, his voice a flat, unwavering drone, ...
The Geode's Grumbles
Gerald lived a life best described as 'beige'. His pet, a particularly craggy geode named Steven, did little to inject vibrant hues into this existenc...
The Scone's Existential Crisis
Arthur sat by the window, contemplating the existential dread of lukewarm Earl Grey. The cafe, 'The Daily Grind,' was, paradoxically, often a source o...
The Unscheduled Visitor
Arthur was a creature of habit. His nights were for sleep, his mornings for tea and contemplation of the garden's consistent mediocrity. The sound of ...
The Unflappable Observation
Agnes adjusted her spectacles, peering over the rim at the spectacle unfolding in her usually tranquil cul-de-sac. A large, scaly creature, undeniably...
The Persistent Toaster Problem
Arthur woke up to a distinct lack of toast. His toaster, a venerable chrome beast named 'Sparky', was simply… inert. He prodded it. Nothing. A single,...
Kevin: The Certified Support Vegetable
The new HR lead, Agnes, beamed. "Team, meet Kevin." From behind her, a small, rather green, and entirely inanimate stalk of asparagus emerged, sitting...
The Art of the Imperceptible Pounce
Arthur, a man whose enthusiasm generally peaked around lukewarm tea, watched his cat, Mittens, stalk a particularly plump pigeon. Mittens, a creature ...
Arthur and the Avian Architect
Arthur sat, as was his daily custom, at 'The Bean & Barista,' a cafe so refined it often felt more like a library operating under the guise of caffein...
A Minor Structural Readjustment
Mrs. Higgins noticed her teacup listing subtly towards the north-west, a phenomenon that had progressed from her sugar bowl to the kettle over the pas...
A Rather Substantial Settling
Bartholomew Piffle, a man whose emotional range was often compared to a beige paint swatch, surveyed his kitchen. The floorboards were noticeably unev...
Bartholomew's Breakfast Bureaucracy
Mildred possessed an emotional range often likened to a beige paint swatch. Her morning routine, a precisely calibrated ballet of coffee and contempla...
The Unflappable Mr. Pumble's Day
Arthur Pumble regarded the smoking remains of his toast embedded firmly in the prize-winning orchid. "Efficiency," he mused, extracting a charred crus...
The Uninvited Guest and the Unraveling of Arthur
Arthur Prumble lived a life calibrated to the nth degree. His morning tea steeped for precisely three minutes, his socks were categorized by shade of ...
The pH Implications of a Ceramic Incident
Arthur, a man whose emotional landscape resembled a freshly ironed sheet, found himself at a garden party bustling with what he considered an excessiv...
A Particularly Animalistic Downpour
Arthur considered himself a man of precise observation, a trait often misconstrued as general unenthusiasm. His morning ritual, a tepid cup of Earl Gr...
The Precise Geometry of Getting Up
The office was a graveyard of ambition, punctuated only by the aggressive clacking of Brenda’s keyboard, a woman whose emails frequently included the ...
A Rather Unremarkable Tuesday
Arthur’s Tuesday began with the sort of understated malice only inanimate objects could truly master. His kettle, a venerable appliance known for its ...
The Badger in the Bureaucracy of Belongings
Arthur returned from his shift, a day spent meticulously categorizing paperclips by shade of metallic grey. His living room, usually a sanctuary of be...
The Existential Acorn
Arthur, a man who believed in the inherent predictability of toast and Tuesdays, found himself facing an unprecedented challenge: a squirrel that spok...
The Unbearable Lightness of Being Obvious
Mr. Finch considered himself a purveyor of intellectual delights, a connoisseur of the clever turn of phrase. His colleagues, however, often found his...
The Sideways Sedan
Arthur, a man whose emotional range was often compared to a beige paint swatch, found himself in a predicament. His venerable sedan, Bartholomew, a ve...
The Ephemeral Swan
Arthur sipped his lukewarm Earl Grey, watching the barista. Not just any barista, mind you, but Gareth, a man who approached coffee-making with the gr...
The Pigeon and the Perplexing Protocol
Agnes, a woman whose emotional spectrum rarely strayed beyond 'mildly unimpressed,' found herself waiting for the 42B. Her gaze, usually reserved for ...
The Dragon in Accounts Payable
Arthur Pumble, Senior Ledger Adjuster at 'Globtrode Financial Solutions,' preferred his coffee lukewarm and his spreadsheets devoid of drama. His life...
The Quantum Toast Problem
Arthur, a man whose internal monologue usually consisted of grocery lists and the precise time his next cup of tea should be brewed, found his morning...
Mr. Henderson and the Unscheduled Celestial Tenant
Mr. Henderson considered the hole where his living room wall used to be. A small, rather singed squirrel sat in the middle of the debris, looking equa...
The Unmoved Critic
Bernard found himself, inexplicably, at an avant-garde art exhibition titled "Existential Spoons." The main installation, a single, tarnished teaspoon...
The Synergy of Sleep and Other Unlocked Potentials
The quarterly "Synergy Summit" was, as always, a masterclass in corporate platitudes delivered with alarming sincerity. Eleanor, positioned strategica...
A Rather Specific Inquiry Over Earl Grey
Bernard sipped his lukewarm Earl Grey, contemplating the precise angle of the sunbeam hitting his croissant. It was a good croissant, though perhaps a...
Arthur Pumble's Unimpressed Existence
Arthur Pumble regarded the cat floating three inches above the rug with an expression best described as 'mildly inconvenienced.' "Chairman Meow," he o...