The Unflappable Baker

Arthur approached the mixing bowl with the cautious optimism of a man expecting rain on his picnic. He measured the flour. A sudden, inexplicable draft, or perhaps a minor existential crisis within the bag itself, caused a generous plume of white dust to engulf his face. He blinked slowly, a perfect dusting of 'all-purpose' now adhering to his eyebrows. "Well," he murmured to the silent kitchen, "that's certainly... atmospheric."

He cracked an egg. It was, rather brazenly, a double-yolker. The recipe specified 'one egg'. Arthur merely raised a single, flour-dusted eyebrow. "Overachiever," he noted, depositing it into the bowl with the solemnity usually reserved for a small, gravely ill monarch. He decided to proceed, reasoning that two yolks were, technically speaking, still egg. Just more of it.

The timer chirped with unwarranted enthusiasm. From the oven, a faint wisp of smoke, reminiscent of a disgruntled genie, curled upwards. Arthur opened the door. His creation, previously envisioned as a light sponge, had achieved the structural integrity and hue of a particularly dense paving slab. It was, undeniably, charcoal.

He prodded it with a spatula. "Crispy," he observed, "on the top. And, one presumes, the bottom. A comprehensive crispiness." A tiny, soot-flecked crumb found its way to his tongue. "Distinctive," he concluded, swallowing with surprising effort. "Very much so."

At the village bake-off, the judges, three women whose expressions suggested they had witnessed things, approached his entry. One, a Mrs. Henderson renowned for her Victoria sponges, poked it gingerly. It emitted a sound akin to a dry twig snapping.

"Sir," she stated, her voice carefully devoid of emotion, "this... is certainly a cake."

Arthur nodded. "Indeed," he confirmed. "And remarkably stable. One might even call it architecturally sound." He did not win. He was, however, awarded a special commendation for 'Most Robust Offering'. He accepted it with a quiet dignity, noting silently that 'robust' was a polite word for 'inedible, and possibly a fire hazard'.