The Ultimate Pre-Need Planner

Arthur was a meticulous planner. His 401K was optimized, his garden was manicured, and his death? Oh, his death was a masterpiece in the making. He didn't just have a will; he had a 72-page binder detailing everything from his preferred embalming fluid (lavender-scented, naturally) to the exact playlist for his wake (no sad songs, strictly upbeat 80s pop). His burial plot was secured, complete with a tiny, solar-powered LED spotlight for his headstone, just in case he got lonely in the dark.

His family found it endearing, if a little disturbing. "Arthur, you're only fifty!" his sister would chide.

"One can never be too prepared," he'd declare, polishing his custom-engraved urn. He even had his eulogy pre-written, a humorous affair focusing on his commitment to preparedness, ending with a punchline about how he was probably still checking his watch.

One Tuesday morning, Arthur didn't wake up. His family, though saddened, knew exactly what to do. The binder was enacted flawlessly. The lavender-scented embalming, the 80s playlist, the spotlight – all perfect.

At the wake, during the eulogy, his daughter read his pre-written speech, tears in her eyes. "My father always believed in being ready for anything," she choked out, "even his own grand exit. He's probably up there, or down there, making sure the paperwork is filed correctly." She paused for the pre-planned punchline. "And he's likely still checking his watch, wondering why it's taking so long."

Just then, from inside the closed casket, a muffled, irritable voice could be heard, loud enough for those nearest the podium. "Oh, for heaven's sake, just get on with it! I’ve got a six-foot hole booked for noon!"