Arthur Pumble's Perfect Exit Strategy
Arthur Pumble was a man of meticulous planning. His life was a testament to order, efficiency, and a deep-seated desire to leave a legacy untainted by chaos. He’d penned his will at 28, selected his eco-friendly, biodegradable coffin at 40, and even maintained his organs in pristine condition, ready for donation, by meticulously adhering to a diet of organic kale and virtue. His ultimate goal: a peaceful, dignified passing at the ripe old age of 92, in his sleep, after a lifetime of quiet contribution.
Life, however, had other plans. At 47, Arthur was precisely halfway through his projected lifespan when he stepped out to collect his sustainably-sourced, artisanal sourdough from his porch. Before he could retrieve the ancient grain, a rogue autonomous delivery drone, overloaded with ethically-sourced, gluten-free vegan snacks, veered wildly off course. Its AI, attempting to calculate the optimal path through a sudden swarm of ironically free-range pigeons, short-circuited.
The drone, a whirring, plastic menace, struck Arthur squarely on the head. He didn't even have time to utter a coherent thought about liability or the carbon footprint of airborne delivery systems before he stumbled backward, directly into an uncovered manhole, left agape by a municipal worker currently on strike for better working conditions.
Arthur’s organs, once the envy of future recipients, were now, regrettably, unsalvageable. His eco-friendly coffin, carefully chosen years prior, proved entirely inadequate for the *state* of his remains, necessitating a standard, rather non-biodegradable, model. This coffin then, in a final ironic flourish, was misplaced en route to the designated green burial site and was eventually found, weeks later, containing only a collection of old gardening tools, presumed to be Arthur's.
His carefully curated legacy? The Arthur Pumble Benevolent Scholarship Fund, intended to promote sustainable living, now primarily funds research into the ethical implications of autonomous delivery vehicle AI.
