The Synergy Tracker 5000: A Collaborative Catastrophe

Brenda from Accounting just wanted to reconcile the Q3 budget. Simple, right? Not since the 'Synergy Tracking System 5000' (STS5k) became mandatory. Now, every interaction, no matter how trivial, required a log entry.

'Shared a pen with Mark from Marketing.' (Log: 0.05 units of 'Cross-Departmental Resource Co-Utilization').

'Exchanged knowing glance with Dave regarding meeting length.' (Log: 0.1 units of 'Non-Verbal Inter-Personal Alignment Protocol Engagement').

'Helped Carol un-jam the printer.' (Log: 0.3 units of 'Crisis-Response Equipment Interventional Support' – required photo evidence per the 'Tangible Output Validation' sub-protocol).

Her latest predicament: Mark from Marketing just asked for a stapler. Brenda stared at her perfectly good stapler, then at the glowing STS5k login screen. To lend it meant navigating the notoriously glitchy 'Stationery Provisioning & Reciprocal Tool-Sharing Module,' a 15-minute ordeal prone to crashing when 'stapler' was typed. To refuse meant a potential hit to her 'Team Engagement Score.'

As Mark repeated his request, Brenda sighed, closed her budget spreadsheet, and opened the STS5k. 'Initiating Stapler Deployment Protocol,' she muttered, a single tear cutting a path through the dust on her cheek. Somewhere, a metric was being synergized. Her will to live, however, was in freefall.