The Ballad of Beatrice and the Biscuit Brouhaha

Beatrice considered herself a woman of quiet, understated elegance. Others, however, considered her a walking, talking, highly accident-prone disaster zone. Her latest endeavor was transporting a tray of Earl Grey and digestive biscuits from the kitchen to the living room. "A simple task," she murmured, picturing herself gliding with the ethereal grace of a swan on a placid lake.

The reality involved her right foot meeting the left foot in a truly unexpected mid-air embrace, followed by a theatrical pirouette that would have impressed no one but a particularly easily amused gnat. The tea, momentarily defying gravity, decided to reacquaint itself with the laws of physics by forming an impromptu geyser. The biscuits, sensing their moment of freedom, launched themselves like tiny, carby projectiles across the room. One even managed a direct hit on the antique cuckoo clock, silencing its cheerful "cuckoo" mid-chirp.

Beatrice, now horizontal and adorned with a delightful pattern of Earl Grey and biscuit crumbs, sighed. "At least," she mumbled, wiggling a crumb from her eyebrow, "I didn't spill the milk." She then remembered she hadn't put milk on the tray. Some victories are purely hypothetical.