A Masterclass in Mild Annoyance
Agnes stared at the blinking red light on her router, a monument to her internet service provider's commitment to... well, something. She dialled, steeling herself for the inevitable.
"Welcome to 'Connectivity Collapse Solutions,' where we're probably not going to help you. My name is Hector. How can I not assist you today?" Hector's voice was a flatline of feigned enthusiasm.
Agnes, a veteran of these skirmishes, took a deep breath. "Hector, darling, my internet appears to be as functional as a chocolate teapot in a heatwave. The little light, you see, it's red. A vibrant, 'your-life-is-over' kind of red."
"And have you tried turning it off and on again, ma'am?" Hector's monotone was a masterpiece of rote recitation.
"Oh, Hector, you absolute visionary! I hadn't even considered that groundbreaking strategy. I thought perhaps I should perform an ancient ritual involving a goat and a moon rock, but your suggestion... it's just so *modern* and utterly revolutionary. Do tell, where did you unearth such profound wisdom?"
A pause, thick with Hector's contemplation of his life choices. "Ma'am, is the device currently plugged in?"
"Good heavens, Hector! You mean this expensive plastic box needs electricity? My deepest apologies. I was attempting to power it with good intentions and the sheer force of my will. Clearly, a rookie mistake. Please, continue to astound me with your unparalleled diagnostic prowess."
Hector cleared his throat, a sound suggesting an internal struggle. "Okay, ma'am, I'm detecting a signal now. It seems your internet is working."
Agnes blinked. "Oh, how truly fascinating! It must have been the sheer magnetism of your insightful questions that fixed it. Or perhaps it was simply embarrassed to continue its charade in the face of such unparalleled brilliance. My sincerest apologies for wasting your precious time. I shall now go and pen a sonnet to your genius."
She hung up, a small, triumphant smile playing on her lips. Her internet was back, a minor miracle, but the real victory was knowing Hector now likely needed a strong cup of chamomile tea and a lie-down.